Copyright 2000 --- Robert Baer Jr. DogStyle -- "Talk Show Rovers" DISCLAIMER Road Rovers characters, names, situations and the Road Rovers universe are the property of Warner Bros. I, nor this script/story are connected with Warner Bros. in any way, shape or form. This document may not be publicized or reproduced in any way, shape or form. It must remain fully intact and may not be altered in anyway. It is strictly used for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only, and is not intended to infringe on any Copyrights. The Late Show is a production of the CBS Television Network, all copyrights reserved. This story is pure fiction and not intended to be taken seriously by anyone. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and the characters Otto, Samantha Maddog, Gila Monster, Ben Maddog and the 'DogStyle' concept are all Robert Baer Jr's creations, copyright 1997-2000. Boomerang is a creation of Robert Page. No36s and Alice Kiddman are creations of Brandon P. Emaryldwyn is a creation of Sarah Saarlos. DogStyle -- "Talk Show Rovers" The scene is aboard a 757 plane. The DogStyle group (Otto, Samantha Maddog, Boomerang, No36s, Alice Kiddman, Emaryldwyn) are flying out to New York to be on the David Letterman Show. SAMANTHA (happy): WOW!! We're going to be on national television! OTTO (nods): I must confess the concept is somewhat exciting to me... BOOMERANG (shocked); Somewhat exciting? Loosen up, Otto, this is Letterman we're talking about here! NO36S (nods): We've hit the big time! EMARYLDWYN (happy); That's right! ALICE (happy): I hope my Colleen will be watching... OTTO (sternly): I would've preferred to simply teleport ourselves to the studio.. SAMANTHA (shakes head): Letterman's staff insisted on flying us out, we mustn't offend our host! BOOMERANG (smiles): I love New York! Plenty of big city BABES!! NO36S (nods): Yep! EMARYLDWYN (rolls eyes): Men.... BOOMERANG (laughs): Hey, I know what I like, Emary! Suddenly, several flight attendants walk back to where the group is sitting. FLIGHT ATTENDENT (sadly): I'm afraid I have some bad news for you six. Due to airline regulations, canines can only fly in the cargo compartment. I'm going to have to ask you six to follow me. NO36S (angry): WHAT??? ALICE (upset): HEY!!! BOOMERANG (furious): We're not canines! We're cano-sapiens! FLIGHT ATTENDANT (shakes head): You're all still technically dogs, I'm sorry but rules are rules. OTTO (sternly): So, if we were human, we would be allowed to stay in this section of the plane, correct? FLIGHT ATTENDANT (nods): That's right, but since you're dogs... Suddenly, Otto activates his internal image projector. Now, all six members of the band have a human appearance. The four flight attendants stand stunned with their mouths gaping open. OTTO (smiles); There, the problem has been solved FLIGHT ATTENDANT (shocked): But....but.... you.... this..... impossible.... BOOMERANG (giggles): You might want to do something about that stuttering problem, miss! By the way, are you married? The four flight attendants return to the back of the plane. BOOMERANG (confused): Do I take that to mean, yes? The scene now switches to the airport, where the Rovers meet their studio contact, who drives them into downtown New York. EMARYLDWYN (looking out the window); WOW!! The city is so beautiful! NO36S (sadly): One problem I can see though.. ALICE (confused); What's that? NO36S (sadly): Not enough trees! OTTO (sternly): Indeed No36s, the ratio of trees to canines in this city is approximately 300212 to 1. BOOMERANG (smiles): Hey Otto old pal, what's the ratio of male dogs to female dogs in the city? SAMANTHA (pointing): Is that the studio building, sir? ATTENDANT (driving); Yes it is, Samantha. I'll park the limo in the underground garage and then we'll be going dinner at the studios' cafeteria, our treat of course. We want all of you to be comfortable and relaxed when we taped the show later in the evening. ALICE (shocked): You mean this show isn't live? ATTENDANT (shakes head): Nope! We tape the program weeks ahead of time, but we do have a live studio audience. EMARYLDWYN (smiling): A live audience! This is going to be GREAT!! BOOMERANG (smiles): Yeah! Maybe I'll just jump out into the crowd and let the girls carry me off! OTTO (shakes head): That is an unlikely scenerio... BOOMERANG (confused): Senor who? ALICE (shocked): Isn't he that famous ventriliquist? NO36S (half awake): Van Halen? Is Van Halen going to be on the show too? SAMANTHA (shocked): Oh no! It seems all of us are getting confused EMARYLDWYN (giggles): Not me, I understood every word! Soon, the band members are taken to the cafeteria for dinner. They all sit together and converse as they eat. ALICE (holds up a hot dog): Why is Exile so scared of these things? BOOMERANG (laughs): Beats me, Alice! I've always loved hot dogs! EMARYLDWYN (nods); Me too! OTTO (sternly): Perhaps we should briefly discuss what to expect on this television show. We must remember that Mr Letterman is a comedian, and that he may use us as the subject of his humor.. NO36S (smiles): You mean Dave's going to razz us? OTTO (sternly): It is a distinct possiblity SAMANTHA (nods): I understand, I have seen his show before. OTTO (sternly): No matter what he says, we must stay pleasant and nice BOOMERANG (sips soda): You're right, Otto! Besides, I don't care what he says, I'm going to scope the crowd for some groupies! NO36S (nods): I agree with Boomer! I look forward to writing a lot of autographs.. and maybe some phone numbers too! EMARYLDWYN (rolls eyes): MEN! ALICE (smiles): Don't worry Otto, we'll do fine! Trust me! OTTO (nods): I hope you are correct, Alice The scene now moves forward to the stage of the Letterman show, several hours later. The group is about to be introduced. SAMANTHA (shaking); I'm so nervous! EMARYLDWYN (nods): Me too guys! OTTO (calmly): Do not worry, try to relax BOOMERANG (peeps out in the audience): BABES!!!! LOOK AT ALL THOSE WOMEN!!! ALICE (puts hand on his shoulder): Boomer, calm down, you're drooling! NO36S (nods): Drooling on national TV is not good, my friend A commercial 'break' has just ended, David Letterman is now standing before the audience. LETTERMAN (smiles); Ladies and gentlemen, my next guests are tearing up the pop music world! Their first CD has already gone gold, here they are, the six canine rock group known as Dogstyle! The six of them enter the studio, Letterman shakes their hands and then sits down behind his desk. The six Rovers sit on chairs, Samantha is seated nearest to Letterman followed by Otto, Boomerang, Alice, No36s and Emaryldwyn. LETTERMAN (smiles); Boy, rock music has really gone to the dogs, hasn't it? (laughter from crowd) So, can I get you guys anything to make you comfortable? A bowl of water? Kibble? Milk Bones? A fire hydrant? (laughter from audience) BOOMERANG (whispers): Is this guy for real? I know boulders that tell better jokes.. LETTERMAN (smiles): So, Otto, you're the leader of the group, right? OTTO (nods): That is correct, Mr Letterman.. LETTERMAN (laughs): Can an android like you handle this responsibility? SAMANTHA (growls); HEY! My husband's NOT an android! LETTERMAN (giggles); Whoa lady, down girl, DOWN! (audience laughter) Let me change the subject, how did your group get formed in the first place? NO36S (smiles); All of us are Road Rovers, and five of us first met on a mission to protect Axel Rose. When Dogstyle opened for his concert and then later saved his live, our fame spread far and wide! EMARYLDWYN (nods); And I joined the group later on! LETTERMAN (points at No36s): But you're a fox, not a dog. Most of the time I've seen dogs and foxes together it's during a fox hunt! (audience laughter) So, Sammy, I have a question I'm just dying to ask you! SAMANTHA (smiles); Go ahead, Mr Letterman, sir LETTERMAN (smiles); What's it like being married to Otto? SAMANTHA (holds Otto's hand): I am loving every minute of it! LETTERMAN (smiles): Awwwww! Puppy love! (audience laughter) How is he in the sack? SAMANTHA (shocked): I beg your pardon! LETTERMAN (laughing): Beg! Look at this, ladies and gentlemen, dogs love to beg! (audience laughter) SAMANTHA (growls): I find that question offensive, Mr Letterman, sir! LETTERMAN (shocked): Calm down, Sam! OTTO (whispers): Remember darling, ignore the humor, ok? Samantha nods as Letterman turns his face to the camera. LETTERMAN (smiles); Here it is, folks! The Top Ten things that upset members of Dogstyle! The audience bursts into applause and cheers, Otto is still trying to keep Samantha calm. LETTERMAN (shouting); Number ten! Trips to the vet! (laughter) LETTERMAN (shouting): Number nine... Clear cutting of trees! (laughter) EMARYLDWYN (giggles): That was a good one! LETTERMAN (shouting); Number eight... Lack of squeaky chew toys! (laughter) LETTERMAN (shouting); Number seven of the things Dogstyle doesn't like... being compared to Three Dog Night! (laughter): Number six.. and most obvious... Dog Catchers! (laughter) LETTERMAN (shouting); Number five! Fleas! (laughter) BOOMERANG (laughs): That's always a problem! LETTERMAN (shouting): Number four! Electric fences around fire hydrants! (lots of laughter) Boy! That would be rather nasty, wouldn't it. I mean imagine lifting your hind leg and .. This one makes all six of the Rovers look embarrassed. LETTERMAN (shouting); Number three! Having to take Otto in for his 20,000 mile checkup.... (laughter) Samantha growls and begins to stand up, Otto and Boomerang urge her to sit down. LETTERMAN (shouting): Number two! NO DOGS ALLOWED signs! and the number one thing that members of Dogstyle hate..... Sam's reaction when Otto is called a robot! (applause): Thank you, thank you! SAMANTHA (shouts): STOP IT!! STOP MAKING FUN OF MY OTTO!! LETTERMAN (rolls up a newspaper and hits Samantha in the nose with it): Bad doggie! Bad, bad dog! OTTO (pleading); Sam! Control yourself! LETTERMAN (laughs): Listen to your husband, Sammy, after all, Robo Dog knows best! Samantha now pounces on top of Letterman and attacks him. Security guards rush over and try to pull Samantha off of Letterman. The audience goes crazy with laughter and applause as they hear Samantha's loud growling and Letterman's screams of pain. It takes four security officers to restrain her, she is still barking and growling fiercely as she is taken from the stage. Letterman staggers back to his seat. LETTERMAN (in shock): Vicious mutt! Throw her out of the building! OTTO (stands up): I will not tolerate you calling my wife a mutt! Letterman grabs his rolled up newpaper to hit Otto with it, he quickly fires his eye lasers and burns the paper to an instant 'crisp' in his hand. LETTERMAN (stuttering):: What.... the..... OTTO (angry): I am leaving, you are treating us very disrespectfully! LETTERMAN (shouts); You ARE just dogs! Glorified talking canines that think they're human! BOOMERANG (stands up): I'm with Otto! (turns to Letterman): So long, jerk! NO36S (stands up): If he goes, I go too! ALICE (stands up): Yeah! EMARYLDWYN (stands up): You went too far throwing Sam out! LETTERMAN (stands up); SIT!!! OBEY ME!!! ALICE (growls): YOU sit, human! BOOMERANG (laughs): Yeah, go sit on a spear! LETTERMAN (furious): You can't walk out on me! I'm the King of late night television! BOOMERANG (turns to him): Shut up now, or I'll CROWN ya! Suddenly, a loud BOOM!!! shakes the stage, the Gila Monster appears in front of a startled Letterman LETTERMAN (shocked): Who.. or.... WHAT are you? GILA MONSTER (angry): I was in the audience and I saw what you did to my pals! (raises his 2 x 4): IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!! Before security can stop him, the Gila Monster bashes David Letterman in the head with his 2 x 4. The other five Rovers soon join Samantha outside of the studio building, she is crying when Otto walks up to her and hugs her SAMANTHA (in tears); I'm so sorry! I ruined the interview! OTTO (still hugging Samantha): No, you did not. Mr Letterman was making fun of all dogs! I did not like it either. BOOMERANG (nods): It's ok, Sam, we understand! NO36S (nods); We're with you, Sammy! ALICE (nods): You bet we are! EMARYLDWYN (smiles); That's right! OTTO (sternly); I would suggest we teleport back to Mission Control immediately EMARYLDWYN (looks around); Where's the Gila Monster? BOOMERANG (laughs): Last time I saw him, he was still onstage making funny armpit noises for the crowd! SAMANTHA (hugging Otto): Honey, can you forgive me? OTTO (wide smile): There is nothing to forgive... let's leave now! A loud BOOM!!!! shakes the street, the six Road Rovers disappear. The scene now shifts to Dogstyle's rehearsal studio the next day. Hunter, Blitz and Colleen are there watching the group practice. After the rehearsal is finished, Hunter walks over to them. HUNTER (holding a newspaper): Guys, I think you better read this! OTTO (sternly); Hunter, we realize that the Letterman show taping didn't exactly go over that well... HUNTER (shakes head); Are you kidding? Read the front page article! Otto takes the newspaper in his hand as the other members of the group surround him. EMARYLDWYN (excited); Otto! What does it say? OTTO (smiles); The media believe that Samantha's attack and the Gila Monster's sudden appearance on stage were all stunts orchestrated by Mr Letterman himself! ALICE (shocked): You're kidding me, right? OTTO (smiles): The article goes on to say that the Gila Monster was so funny on stage, he is being asked to host Saturday Night Live in a few weeks! SAMANTHA (shocked): HIM??? ON THAT SHOW???? BOOMERANG (laughs); He'll probably clobber the entire cast with his 2 x 4! OTTO (still reading): They are expecting this episode of the Late Show to be one of the highest rated in history! NO36S (laughs): Like you'd say, Hunter, I would not have predicted this! No way! HUNTER (giggles); That's my line, No36s! BLITZ (angry): HEY!! I vant to be famous! Vhy should dat lousy lizard get all the breaks? COLLEEN (shrugs shoulders): Beats me, Blinky! Suddenly, a man in a suit and tie runs up to Otto and Samantha. MAN (smiles); Otto, Samantha, I represent the Late Show. We'd like to book you back on our show for next week! SAMANTHA (hugs Otto): I don't want to see that bad human again! OTTO (nods): I must concur with my wife, we will not appear on the program again... MAN (takes out contract): Just sign here! BOOMERANG (angry): What part of NO don't you understand? NO36S (whistles): Hey Blitz! I think this guy wants his tooschie bitten! BLITZ (big toothy grin): My pleasure! MAN (backs away); Er... take it easy dogs... er... I'm just trying to do my job.... BLITZ (shouts): Let the biting begin! Everyone laughs as they watch Blitz chase the terrified man out of the building. HUNTER (shouts): To the power of the pack! All of the Rovers howl in unison. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------